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Remarriage Preparation - Another Way to Know You're Not Ready to Remarry

By Alyssa Johnson

Republish: EasyPublish™
Published: 25Apr2008
Word count: 487
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Remarriage and the creation of a step family are huge undertakings. They are not to be taken lightly. Allowing yourself the time to make these decisions wisely is very important. As you continue to think through whether remarriage is a good option for you, let's focus on another way to know you are NOT ready to remarry.

If your main motivation for remarriage at this time is because you want to beat your ex-spouse to the altar, you are NOT ready. A remarriage should be about you and your new partner. It should have nothing to do with your ex-spouse. Let's take a look at the main reasons why this is such a poor choice for this life altering decision:

1. It's usually based on a rushed courtship

If your main concern is making sure you get married before your ex-spouse, your decision to remarry is based on his/her time schedule rather than that of the relationship you are in. You are not taking the time to really get to know your partner, deciding on whether they are truly a good match for you.

Without this valuable time, you don't have the opportunity to adequately prepare your children for this major change in their lives as well. This sets the marriage up for difficulties because the creation of your step family is off to a poor start.

2. You are obviously still connected emotionally to your ex-spouse

You're in a race to outdo your ex-spouse. This doesn't bode well for proving you've moved passed your previous marriage. If your main desire for remarriage is to show your ex-spouse how over him/her you are, aren't you being a little hypocritical?

Being this concerned about your ex-spouse doesn't really allow you to fully commit and give yourself to your new spouse. How fair are you being to your new spouse if you are constantly wondering and thinking about how to get even with your ex? In your effort to try to hurt your ex-spouse, you end up hurting your new spouse because in actuality you are just using them.

3. You will wind up hurting your kids the most

Your children have already gone through the struggle of one divorce. If you rush into a new marriage ill prepared, the likelihood of another divorce is extremely high. Typically, someone who chooses this motivation for remarriage has been involved in a highly conflictual divorce. This conflict hurts kids enough as it is. Bringing someone else into the mix too soon, is really hard on your children.

Seeing parents fight is extremely stressful. By you continuing to purposely try to start fights with your ex, you continue this hurtful cycle with your children. While it's understandable why you might consider this as a reason for remarriage while angry, it's a reason you need to let go of quickly. It puts everyone at risk.

Taking the time to let go of your anger about the divorce, learning how to become comfortable with being single, and helping your children adjust to all the post-divorce changes are what you really need to be focusing on before you can ever truly focus on a remarriage. Learn more about our Special Report, "I'm Just So Mad! Dealing with the Anger of Divorce" at http://www.RemarriageSuccess.com/somad.htm

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