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Bigamy does not undermine the institution of marriage

By Elsabe Smit

Republish: EasyPublish™
Published: 07Aug2009
Word count: 911
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I can feel just this heading is enough cause for me to duck some eggs, oranges and other missiles, but your actions would be uninformed, so let's have a truce while I state my case.

A woman was recently sentenced to ten months in prison, suspended for two years, for "marrying" four men while she was still married to her first husband. She was cautioned by police for two of these illegal marriages, and spent six months in prison for one of them. Despite all this, she went ahead and "married" a fifth man who discovered his place in the pecking order while they were on honeymoon.

This woman was twelve years old when she persuaded her parents to buy her first wedding dress, and got married to her first husband when she was eighteen.

When she was sentenced, the judge claimed that her actions "undermine the institution of marriage". This is where I disagree. I believe she exposed the institution of marriage for what it has become, and nobody is listening.

I believe any legal actions which are based on the institution of marriage in fact undermine marriage. Marriage is a contract of love between two people. This contract has over hundreds of years become so deeply ingrained as a means of solidifying things other than love that we have lost focus.

In many cultures marriage has been a financial bargaining tool, and to this day men in some cultures are expected to pay a dowry when they "buy" a bride. Marriage has also become a means of tying dynasties together, as we still see in royal or wealthy circles.

Marriage has also become a legal means of managing property, as we see every day in prenuptial agreements, marriage contracts and divorce settlements.

The wedding ceremony became part of a strategy for ingraining religious fear and control, and some cultures still have a strong censorship against people that have relationships outside of marriage. There are people who cannot imagine a worse future than marrying outside of their religion. They chose one version of faith as the be-all and end-all, and are too afraid to consider any possibility of falling in love with someone who does not accept such man-made limitations.

Many people choose to have no sex before marriage, and expect to be treated as some kind of modern-day martyrs for their stance. Yes, stay away from sex until you are absolutely sure you can emotionally commit to a sexual relationship - this will ensure you make an informed choice based on love rather than hormones. But does a marriage certificate guarantee a satisfying sexual relationship? Many people would tell you the opposite - or would they rather keep quiet about their sexual failure or incompatibility because it is not acceptable to openly discuss the true motivation for two people joining in marriage, namely love? A wise man once told me that where a marriage relationship is solid and healthy, sex forms 5% of the relationship. However, where the relationship is rocky sex forms 95% of the relationship. If you insist on waiting for sex after marriage, maybe you are focusing in the wrong place and heading for disillusion?

For some religions marriage no longer provides the opportunity to manipulate people who choose to have a strong love relationship without the massive expense that a wedding ceremony requires. One religious group recently attempted to get some of the control back by offering a bargain combination of marriage for parents and baptism for their children at a discount. If those people wanted to succumb to the pressure of the church to control their lives, surely they would have done so before they had children?

All of the above actions undermine the institution of marriage, which should be a union of love (with witnesses and paperwork that confirms love rather than a legal cover-your-backside for future actions).

This bigamous woman probably has serious relationship issues that she brought with her from one or more previous lives as part of the blueprint for her life. Her sacral chakra may be completely out of balance, which means she will keep searching for a secure relationship but not understand what she wants or why she is never satisfied with a partner. She may have serious relationship issues stemming from incidents in her childhood where she formed a perception which are still impacting on her decisions and actions. She may have brought unresolved memories from previous lives with her. The lithium that has been prescribed to her will not neutralise any of these issues.

Did she undermine the institution of marriage? Or did she get people to question their own beliefs and perceptions? Did she get spiritual support on resolving her relationship issues and growing towards wholeness? Or was she punished for not toeing the line or "playing the game"?

Nothing prevents her from having a string of relationships without getting married - she had boyfriends in between her fake marriages and was not punished by law for any of those. However, she chose to rock the boat by having sham marriages, and her environment responded by punishing her rather than questioning to what extent the marriage ceremony has been degraded to a means of manipulation rather than a union of love.

When you read the title of this article, did you react because you wanted to protect your union of love, or because you responded to fear of shaking up your own beliefs in case I have a point?

Elsabe Smit provides life transition counselling and psychic readings. See http://www.elsabesmit.com

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