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Do you assume that everyone in a committed heterosexual or homosexual relationship is enjoying physical intimacy? I did, until I became a Marriage, Family Therapist and learned from my clients that it was a myth. In fact, I was amazed how many couples had not made love for a very long time. Can you relate to this situation?
I am not saying that everyone needs to be physically intimate to enjoy a happy relationship. I accept whatever people choose to do. Therefore, I always asked the client, "If you could have it the way you wanted it, would you like to be sexual with your partner?" The answers were often, "Yes, of course." Then I asked them if the sexual part of their relationship was ever good. Some clients responded, "Yes," and others said, "No."
The following are 24 reasons that caused the men and women not to be sexual with their loved ones:
1. "He does not touch me outside of the bedroom."
2. "We have a disagreement that is unresolved, and then he suddenly becomes romantic."
3. "She is too demanding."
4. "She seems disinterested."
5. "He just satisfies himself."
6. "He is always busy and does not spend time with me."
7. "My partner has never been a good lover. I do not know how to tell him what I want. He should know."
8. "I am angry at him for telling me I am fat."
9. "He put on so much weight and grew a beard. I no longer find him attractive."
10. "She likes to stay up late, and I like to go to bed early."
11. "I was sexually abused as a child. I just can't relax, so it is painful."
12. "She is very critical of me."
13. "He is abusive."
14. "He always wants it in the same position and in the bedroom. Boring!"
15. "He seems so anxious during sex and that turns me off."
16. "I am exhausted from the children."
17. "We live two separate lives."
18. "I am angry at my partner's lack of support."
19. "My partner is not romantic."
20. "He is such a wonderful person, and he satisfies me in so many other ways."
21. "She is my wife and mother to my children. I will never leave her even if we are not sexual."
22. "I feel like a failure. I am not good-enough."
23. "I am depressed."
24. "Sex never interested me."
Are any of these comments "hitting home?" Could they be your thoughts, too? The issues mentioned can usually be resolved. We are all born instinctively to be sexual to populate the world. However, unlike animals, we can learn how to make love. Unfortunately, we are not taught how to be good lovers. We need to learn how through books, videos, classes, and workshops.
When your partner and you have high self-esteem and good communication tools, you can create and maintain a healthy, loving, long term relationship. You can learn what works for you and express your truth in a loving way.
You can enjoy the nurturing of physical intimacy. It is another beautiful way to express your love and caring. You can resolve your issues, prevent infidelity, feel emotionally closer and safer, and continue to improve your intimacy outside and inside the bedroom.
copyright 2009 by Helene Rothschild, MS, MA, LMFT, Licensed Marriage, Family Therapist, intuitive counselor, and author of,"All You Need Is HART! Create Love, Joy and Abundance ~NOW!" She offers telephone sessions, a relationship check-up report/questionnaire, books, e-books, CDs, Mp3 audios, plus a free newsletter, "Healing Your Body" Mp3 and "Truths Set You Free" e-booklet. http://www.lovetopeace.com , 1-888-639-6390
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