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Financial Consequences of a Husband’s Superstition

By Helga Hayse

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Published: 25Mar2008
Word count: 665
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Some superstitions are harmless, like knocking on wood, carrying a rabbit’s foot or believing that if you get on a plane with your right foot, the plane won’t crash. I do this last one myself. Silly, but harmless.

Other superstitions are not so harmless and they affect other people as well. For example, the millions of husbands who are superstitious about estate planning and, therefore, refuse to do it. Or do it partway but won’t complete the process.

Ed and his wife Cynthia, worked with an attorney to set up their estate plan. Ed signed all the documents except for one - the durable powers of attorney. The papers have been sitting on his desk for over a month.

Cynthia is very frustrated by Ed’s stalling. She feels like a hostage to Ed's superstition that if he signs the durable powers of attorney papers, which are necessary to complete the process, God is watching and will snuff him out.

Because of Ed’s superstition, Cynthia won’t be able to act on his behalf if he can’t make medical or financial decisions for himself. His adult children from his first marriage will be making those decisions unless he signs the papers giving Cynthia those powers.

“Ed signed the other papers but won’t sign the durable powers of attorney" Cynthia says. "He assures me he will, but when I remind him that the planning isn’t complete unless he does sign, he accuses me of nagging. He knows it’s not rational, but he says it makes him feel better.”

Is there any difference between that kind of thinking and not walking under a ladder, wearing garlic around your neck to protect you from vampires or crossing the street when you see a black cat?

When I was researching my book, I discovered in interviews that many men intentionally leave loose ends in their estate planning. Either they procrastinate, mess up some papers, ‘forget’ to fund the trust or find other ways to delay the completion of the process.

For example, William just kept ‘forgetting’ to fill out the papers to fund the revocable trust he and his wife Lila had set up. Their lawyer explained that, until their financial assets were actually transferred into the trust, It wasn’t considered a legal entity. Consequently, if something happened to William, the trust couldn’t provide Lila with the legal or financial authority to act as the trustee.

When I interviewed William, he said he’d been busy, had other things on his mind and just never got around to it. He intended to make the transfers as soon as he had a minute. Yes, the lawyer had offered to take care of it, but he preferred to do it himself.

Meanwhile, Lila’s hands are tied because he doesn’t want her to take care of it either. “My husband’s friend had a fatal heart attack on the tennis court the day after he and his wife signed their living trust,” she said. “You try convincing my husband that the same won’t happen to him.”

Superstition is a powerful, if irrational and usually subconscious, belief that keeps many men from taking action to protect their wife in case they die. It presumes a causal relationship between something we do or don’t do and the outcome of some future event.

If only we had that kind of power. If only we were the center of the universe, where what we do matters on a cosmic scale. It’s comforting to think that a higher power is watching and rewarding or punishing, waiting until all the papers are in order and everything is signed before taking us away.

It sounds so simple and silly, but this kind of thinking is real and widespread. Unfortunately, superstition impacts the lives of too many wives whose husbands won’t follow through with the necessary arrangements to protect them in case they die.

Helga Hayse is author of "Don't Worry about a Thing, Dear" - Why Women Need Financial intimacy. She teaches women about participating and understanding their marital finances. She speaks to financial planners and estate planners about how to encourage crucial conversations within families. http://www.financialintimacy.com

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