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How many times have you made a New Year's resolution that got lost along the way? You start out with great resolve and change your behavior for a while. Before long, however, you revert back to your old habits.
Let's face it. Behavior change is hard. What's familiar is always the path of least resistance. Unforeseen challenges arise and throw you off track. Things improve a little and you forget the pain that made you want to change in the first place. Before long you figure that maybe you don't need to follow through after all.
There are many reasons why New Year's resolutions fail. If you embark on your behavior change program aware of these challenges and, even more important, of what you can do to prevent them from derailing you, you empower yourself to succeed.
Here are three common pitfalls, and what you can do to avoid them.
1. Lack of Commitment
Every January Chris resolved to lose weight. Remembering the holiday food orgy that stretched back to Thanksgiving, Chris promised herself that she would diet. She would start off all right, but by mid-January Chris began tiring of salads and felt tempted by her favorite chocolate desserts. By February she found herself back in her old habits.
Chris never really believed herself when she promised to lose weight. She lacked commitment. She'd been heavy since college and most of her family suffered from overweight. Underneath, she figured the weight problem wasn't so bad after all.
She got a wake-up call, though, when her father received a diagnosis of adult onset diabetes. When a weight-related disease hit close to home, Chris realized it could happen to her. For the first time in her life, she felt motivated enough to commit to a program of caring for the health and well being of her body.
Chris became expert in the dangers of overweight, learning about its contribution not only to diabetes, but to heart disease and even cancer. She realized how much she wanted to be around to watch her young son grow up. Her father's illness reminded her that she did not have forever.
Chris followed through with her commitment to lose weight by hiring a life coach. Together they designed a realistic program of healthy eating and exercise. By March Chris could notice progress.
When you identify something in your life that you want to improve you are taking the first step toward behavior change. You need a deep level of commitment, though, to keep you on track. Only strong commitment can help you through the temptations to regress and periods of discouragement which undermine success. You create the necessary commitment by developing a thorough knowledge of the situation.
First clarify the values that underlie your decision to change. Really affirm why success matters to you.
Now focus on the benefits you will enjoy once you have successfully transformed your behavior. Visualize how you will feel and how others will view you when you succeed. Become aware, too, of any costs involved in changing. For example, you may need to stay away from people who encourage your problem behavior.
Next, become an expert on the costs of staying right where you are as well as the benefits. The costs may be obvious. No matter how high cost your problem behavior is, however, there are some benefits involved or you wouldn't be doing it. How you make do without these benefits will be an essential part of your behavior change strategy.
Chris recognized that much of her inappropriate eating was stress-related. Her success depended on developing alternative ways of handling her stress.
Once you have made a thorough study of all aspects of the situation, write it all down. Then, whenever you waver, return to what you have written to remind you of your commitment.
Create a phrase which expresses your commitment. Then repeat it to yourself daily and any time you think you might lapse.
Chris repeated her phrase, "Self-care is my top priority," first thing every morning and right before she went to bed. She also used it to remind her of her commitment any time she felt tempted to indulge.
2. Discouragement
Initially Chris stuck with her program and lost weight steadily. By March, however, she arrived at a plateau where her weight stabilized. Discouraged by lack of progress, she gave into temptation once in a while and ate a greasy pizza or a rich dessert. Significantly, each time she did this, she reminded herself of her commitment, and got back on track the next day.
As Chris became accustomed to healthy eating, doing the right thing no longer seemed like such a big deal. She found it harder to appreciate her progress. Chris's life coach helped her to focus on her success, no matter how slow it seemed.
Discouragement undermines any behavior change program. You feel disappointed about your lack of progress so you work less hard at your program. Your lack of dedication leads to lapses which make you feel even less like trying. This vicious circle can lead to failure if you let it.
Setbacks are inevitable. Do not allow a lapse to become a relapse. Every time you get off track, the quicker you get back on track, the more you will continue on the path to success.
Celebrate any success, no matter how small. When progress seems slow, focus on the small gains you are making to counter any discouragement which arises. Reaffirm your commitment regularly.
3. Lack of Support
Exercise proved to be a big challenge for Chris. When her weight hit a plateau, it became clear that to continue to lose weight she would need to exercise. Getting herself moving was hard, though.
Chris joined a gym but after a few weeks she found it increasingly difficult to get to her workouts. Before long she fell back into inactivity.
One day at work, Chris noticed some co-workers striding through the corridors. She learned that this group got together every day at noon to walk. In good weather they walked around the office park. On bad days they walked the corridors. They never missed a day.
Chris decided to join them. She found it much easier to exercise with others. On those days that she didn't really feel like going, she got up anyway and walked with the group. She felt embarrassed not to participate and didn't want to let the others down.
Attempting significant behavior change alone is a recipe for failure. Friends, family or a life coach cheer you on when you're doing well. They provide perspective and encouragement when setbacks arise. Involve others in your behavior change program to create a support system that will help you succeed.
Establish a system of accountability. If you know that you need to report your progress - or lack thereof - to someone else, whether a life coach or a friend, you are more likely to follow through.
Create a mutual support group with others who share your goals. You will learn from the experiences of other group members and benefit from giving and receiving support.
By June Chris felt confident that she would achieve her goals. Her new healthy eating habits felt normal to her. She enjoyed her regular midday walks so much, she couldn't imagine doing without them. Most of all, pride in her achievement made her confident that she would continue to enjoy success.
Like Chris, if you establish a strong commitment, find ways to stick with your program through periods of discouragement and involve others in helping you succeed, your New Year's resolutions will come true and you will make your good life better.
Drawing on skills and expertise developed over 30 years experience, Philadelphia life coach Jeannette Samanen PhD provides effective life coaching, empowering you to make your new year's resolutions succeed. You will receive her free article "5 Easy Steps to Access Your Inner Wisdom" when you subscribe to her "Make Your Good Life Better" newsletter at www.achieveyourgoals.com.
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