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To Divorce or To Mediate?

By Len Stauffenger

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Published: 05Apr2009
Word count: 421
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Much is being touted about mediation vs. court standardized divorce procedures these days. I used an attorney when I got my divorce, but mediation wasn't in vogue then as it is now. It's popularity has grown over the past twenty years. Frankly, I think mediation is a very viable alternative to going through divorce courts.

In mediation, both individuals have a voice that is clearly heard. The mediator will frequently teach the couple communication techniques that are very useful on an ongoing basis through the child's growing up years, and when the parents employ the techniques they learned in mediation, the child benefits because greater objectivity is obtained and emotionalism and blame is not much in appearance.

Agreements reached through the employment of a Mediator have a higher compliance rate because both parents participated in the creation of the agreement. If you agreed upon something, why would you not honor your own agreement? This is much more beneficial than having the court mandate some adherence that comes down like a judge's gavel on your head.

Mediation clarifies communication generally, because each individual gets time to speak. The mediator will not tolerate over lording.

During the first mediation session, each party gets to lay his cards on the table and they both decide on the agenda items for the second meeting. Then, each of them gathers data for next meeting from all the relevant sources. This is the time when real estate has to be assessed; retirement funds examined; debts tallied, etc.

At the second meeting, a clarification of the issues to be resolved is discussed, and a resolution of items is decided upon. This could include distribution of assets, child custody, visitation, child support, or alimony as an example. The participating parties are taught both how to compromise, how to negotiate, and how to honor the court systems of the state in which they reside.

The mediator then drafts an Agreement. This Agreement is reviewed, revised and finalized and, in it's final form, becomes legally binding. Mediation involves no court appearances. Mediation is frequently less expensive than hiring an attorney and is a common sense alternative to a court divorce.

Mediators are trained to help emotionally explosive couples. Mediators will not let an overly powerful spouse exploit the less powerful one. The Mediator is neutral. He does not side with either party. He does not advise either party. You can bring an attorney with you to Mediator sessions. I think Mediation is a viable option if you must get a divorce.

In his book "Getting Over It: Wisdom for Divorced Parents," Len Stauffenger shares his simple wisdom gleaned from his divorce with his daughters and with you. Len is a Success Coach and an Attorney. You can purchase Len's book and it's accompanying workbook at http://www.wisdomfordivorcedparents.com

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