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Pitfalls in Building Relationships, Commitment and Love - Starting With G

By Levi Reiss

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Published: 08Jul2009
Word count: 505
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We continue this series suggesting how to avoid many pitfalls in building interpersonal relationships, whether with family, coworkers, friends, or that special someone. Committed, loving relationships do not just happen. You may know that there is no success secret, no checklist of things to do, and just as important things not to do to make such relationships happen. But we do have many suggestions that focus on potential problems. We center on gloat, gossip, and grim.

G is for gloat. Gloating is one of the worst things you can do. Don't be happy for other people's misfortunes. Sooner or later the worm may turn and they may remember you and your lousy attitude. A few winters ago I slipped and fell in a commercial parking lot. The worst was this old guy who started laughing. It wasn't even as if he knew me. Another gloating story. Years ago I took a cross-country skiing class for beginners and we faced a rather steep icy hill. I took off my skis and walked gingerly down the hill accompanied by the jibes of this guy who I didn't even have the pleasure of knowing. He was proud that didn't have to take off his skis. Can you guess what happened? Did I gloat? Did I gloat. But if he hadn't opened his yap I would have kept mine shut (and frankly not gloated to myself.) It could have been me. Actually it was. Don't gloat. Usually.

G is for gossip. I really don't care what Brittney Spears is doing. Why bother, I have my own problems. But there is another kind of gossip that is more insidious; gossip involving people we actually know. Why is it that the dirt on Ginette and George is so interesting to so many people? So Ginette and George have trouble in their marriage. Why should that affect me unless by some stroke of chance I could help them? Of course you know the old joke about the reformed gossiper. "I never talk about anyone unless I have something good to say. And boy am I keeping quiet about Gail."

G is for grim. Get a life. Get a smile on that mug of yours. You're going to paralyze your facial muscles by looking so down in the dumps. And one of the worst things about being super negative is that when you have something to be legitimately unhappy about, no one will believe you. It's that story of the boy who cried wolf all over again. Yet there is something so human, so natural about nasty behavior. Try a scientific experiment. Read one of Grimm's fairy tales such as Hansel and Gretel to some little kids, not disturbed or abused little kids but ordinary little kids who have a fairly good life. See how they react when the wicked witch climbs into the hot stove. What do you want to bet they take pleasure in her untimely, albeit somewhat justified end? But unless you are living a fairy tale, don't be grim.

Levi Reiss teaches computers in an Ontario French-language community college. He wrote or co-authored ten computer and Internet books. His web sites include a new English and French (with translations) love and relationships site celebrating love at www.loveamourlove.com. His global wine website www.theworldwidewine.com features a weekly column reviewing $10 wines and new sections writing about and tasting organic and kosher wines.

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