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The reflection part of the coaching ARROW provides the person being coached - often called the coachee - with an opportunity to reflect on what's been discovered so far. Depending on the underlying issue and how much time is available for coaching in one session, Reflection may prove to be a major or minor piece of the whole process.
It is often in this part of the coaching process that true enlightenment happens; what some have described as 'ah-ha' moments.
Time can often be useful here and some coaches have had great success in stopping a coaching session after Aims and Reality and giving the person being coached certain Reflection questions to think about before they meet up again to explore Options and the Way forward.
It's important to realism that the coaching ARROW is simply a questioning framework, and it is not possible for us to coach effectively simply by reeling off the questions. The model must be used flexibly and at all times the needs and agenda of the person being coached must take priority.
We must use the Reflection stage particularly carefully, as it may be that the person being coached has already reflected subconsciously as they have answered the questions under Aims and Reality. In truth, it is worth encouraging the people we coach to reflect continuously throughout the session and if necessary refine their aims or review the reality of the situation. Reflection is conveniently located between Reality and Options because it helps spell ARROW, but reflecting, revising, going back over and jumping forward are perfectly reasonable and indeed essential steps of working flexibly with ARROW or any other sequence.
Let's now consider the sorts of things coaches can encourage their coachees to reflect upon. When using Reflection as a defined step in the sequence I like to ask my coachee to consider how big a gap there is between their Aims and their Reality. It may be that the Aims now seem over optimistic or equally a little conservative. A new timeframe may need to be decided upon or some shorter term, milestone type aims generated. Similarly Reflection may expose a lack of detail in appreciating the current Reality. It is at this stage that awareness is most raised so it can be worthwhile to reflect and understand Reality more vividly.
I find the Reflection stage is also a good time to explore any assumptions the coachee is making. Comments like "I've tried that before and it didn't work", "senior management will never agree" or "I'm just not able to do that" need challenging because they are not facts. Just because something was unsuccessful previously does not render it impossible for ever more. Senior management may not sign off the proposal but if we don't ask them the answer is already no. Nobody can know for certain that they are incapable of anything until they try. Remember the old saying; to assume makes an ASS of U and ME.
Coaches that allow their coachees time to reflect create an opportunity for a greater degree of honesty to emerge. If I ask you "Are you being totally honest with yourself?" I am not really accusing you of lying rather I'm encouraging you to go deeper. People who are unused to answering coaching questions can give superficial or lightweight answers in the first two stages (Aims and Reality). Here we can provide permission and encouragement to give more.
My personal favourite Reflection question is "What's really going on?" I have lost count of the number of times I have asked this and been greeted with a coy grin or a shake of the head. The answer that follows is invariably a more truthful, emphatic and revealing answer than what has come before.
My next article will build on this step by exploring how coachees can generate options.
Matt Somers is a coaching practitioner of many years' experience. He works with a host of clients in North East England where his firm is based and throughout the UK and Europe. Matt understands that people are working with their true potential locked away. He shows how coaching provides a simple yet elegant key to this lock. His popular guide "Coaching for an Easier Life" is available FREE at http://www.mattsomers.com
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