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Be Willing to Walk Away

By Phil Gilliam

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Published: 02Jul2009
Word count: 727
Viewed: 136 time(s)

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It is always a miserable experience when you are coaching a guy and we have done a ton of work to improve his image, put in some real effort on his personal view of his value so that he knows he is bringing a Better Deal, helped him to understand that it is the ability to have a conversation and enjoy the company of a lovely lady that will create attraction, have helped him become confident enough in himself to know that what he is says in conversation is absolutely perfect and that if he thinks his jokes are funny, then they are funny regardless of if she laughs or not; then have him actually start talking to a woman that in the past he would have believed was so far out of his league that just her mere presence would have sent him into a shock induced seizure………..only to see him walk into a trap that takes all of his hard work and training and flushes it right down the toilet!

What was his mistake?

The mistake is that he began to get too wrapped up in making the sale. This is an all too common mistake. His plan starts to go into the toilet because he is no longer enjoying himself and guiding the interaction in the direction that he wants it to go. Instead he has committed all of his resources to this one potential outcome and the dynamics of the encounter have done a complete role reversal. He is no longer helping her to perceive The Better Deal that he is bringing to the table; he is no longer making her “work” for the prize he is capable of delivering because he is so far committed that he cannot walk away. He is completely caught in her spell and now she is calling the shots and he is just like all the other Nancy Boys in the world hoping that she will throw him some scraps (which he will no doubt just gobble up at any pace that she dictates). In other words, he’s dead in the water and with no hope of rescue…….ever. As Jessica, one of the coaches at AverageGuy.com, would say, "That woman is playing with him like a cat playfully bats around a half dead mouse." We all know how this ends for the mouse, don’t we?

When the night is over he will undoubtedly crawl back to his house and wonder what just happened to him. He will say such things like “I did everything right and then……..” or one of my favorites, “I have no clue how that went bad, she was into me and then……wham! Nothing but a nice to meet you, a buddy’s pat on the arm and she goes home with another guy.”

The fact of the matter is he made the critical mistake that is the curse of most sales people (yes, you are selling…….you are selling her on the fact that the deal she currently has is not as good as the deal you are offering); the closing of the deal outweighed the value he brings in his own mind. He began to believe that closing this particular deal is better for him than it is for her.

As soon as he lost the ability to walk away from the deal he lost all ability to close it. Now he is in the position of trying to convince her that she is getting a better deal with him instead of letting her discover that fact.

Avoid the mistake of over committing that most guys make. It reeks of desperation and low self-value and will kill you every time. She will either walk away herself, or worse, stick you in the friend zone. Personally, I would rather she beat me with a stick than have her drop me there. You must develop your self-esteem and understand that you have a lot to offer so the woman in front of you has to earn your attention and if she doesn't you will walk away and on to the next one. Once you have those basics under your belt you will develop the skill to have the women you are interested in recognize that she is going to have to put a little effort into the interaction.

Phil Gilliam is the founder and president of AverageGuy, Inc., the author of Bringing the Better Deal and a men's life coach who has helped hundreds of men turn their lives around. Visit AverageGuy.com to learn how to build the confidence required to always know you can walk away. When you join you'll get 6 hours of audio training to kick start your transformation into the confident, dynamic man you know you can be.

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