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Author: Rick Cowles

Overcome Alienation and Cure Loneliness with 5 Simple Steps

Do you often feel that you are an outsider?

Do you sometimes look at people you supposedly know well and have the disconcerting impression that you don't know them at all, that they are strangers? Do you from time to time feel apart from others?

If so, you are experiencing some degree of alienation. It is distressing to be alienated. And alienation is an important factor in loneliness. It is next to impossible to be alienated and simultaneously free from the burden of loneliness. Alienation and loneliness go together like two sides of the same coin.

But you don't have to be a ship without a sail. With the 5 strategies presented below, you can take a stand against the destructive waves of alienation and loneliness.

1) Reject the Idea That You Are Powerless and Helpless

If you approach alienation from a "poor me" attitude, you can't overcome it. Self-pity will only make the problem worse. It is important to realize that, from the psychological point of view, you are never completely powerless. And you are never completely helpless. You need to assert that you have a free will, that you are an autonomous human being capable of making real choices. You need to believe that you have the ability to neutralize those emotional factors that contribute to alienation. This is a very important first step.

2) Looking for the Best in Other Members of a Group

We are social creatures. We have a deep need to make contact at both a cognitive and an emotional level with others. This need tends to be satisfied by group identification. We see ourselves as belonging to a family, a club, an organization, and so forth. This sense of belonging is undermined when we become critical of certain features of the group.

We tend to magnify faults and minimize good points. Make an effort to reverse this process. Look for the best features in members of a group and it will undercut the process leading toward alienation.

3) Seek to Identify with Social Groups That Reflect the Values of the Larger Culture

A social group, for example: a club, an organization, or a church congregation - functions much like a family. If you identify with the group, its interests and its values become your own. If you identify with a group that is traditional, you will have no problems. Not only will you acquire the sense of belongingness that is antagonistic to alienation, you will also be at peace with the general society.

But what if you identify with a gang, a cult or a secret society that is at odds with the larger culture? You will overcome alienation to some extent, but when the deviant group runs into a harsh clash with the larger culture, as it often does, your fortunes will be tied to it. If your only lifeboat is sinking, you will go down with it.

So pick a group carefully. For your own protection, make sure that it fits into the general society in some meaningful way.

4) If You Have Fallen Away From Traditional Values, Reconsider Them

One of the ways in which we overcome alienation is by heart-felt acceptance of traditional values.

What are traditional values? In an individual case, a person doesn't have to search very far. You were probably taught a set of values by your family. And most families reflect the principal values of the larger culture. In the main, these are obvious: Be a responsible adult, accept the teachings of your religion, have respect for your partner, and so forth. Traditional values are so obvious that they are almost invisible, and, as a consequence, it is easy to lose sight of them.

5) If You Are Having a Conflict With Someone You Once Loved, Take Steps to Effect a Reconciliation

Perhaps you are on the outs with a person or persons you once loved or cared about. You may have a parent, a brother, a sister, an old friend, or someone else that you haven't talked to in months or years. Maybe an old grudge has been keeping you apart. If the rip in the fabric of your relationship is experienced as a kind of nagging unpleasantness in your existence, it may be time to work on patching things up. Even if you have been alienated for quite a while, it is quite possible that it's not too late to reconnect.

Alienation doesn't have to be endured. You can overcome alienation by using the self-directed strategies presented above. They are practical, and they will be effective.

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