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Right now is your relationship "strained" with your teenager? Does everything within you want a positive relationship with your teenager, but you do not know how to accomplish it?
Well, here is the stepping stone to a great relationship path with your son or daughter this holiday season. Ready? It's the "F" word.....forgiveness. That's right! Forgiveness. Something that is does not cost a cent and can make all the difference in your parenting relationship.
The holiday season is filled with advertisements for the perfect gifts that promise happiness for your teenager. Sure the gifts and the gadgets are great, and your teenagers are sure to love them. But, I'm not sure it is the BEST gift your teenager wants.
What is the best holiday gift you can give your teenager this holiday season?
A relationship with you! Despite all the affluence and wealth in the world, I believe most of today's teenagers desire a close relationship with their family. And for those that will tell you "family is not important to them," somehow I still believe deep down they really wish they had a stronger relationship with their parents.
How do you start having a better relationship with your teenager this holiday season?
Is it love? A better understanding of what your teenager is experiencing? More patience with the decisions they are making? While all of the above are valuable to any parental relationship, the life blood in any healthy relationship is forgiveness. Forgiveness can melt away the cold distance that subtly builds between family members, especially parents and teenagers. Without forgiveness, one cannot love to their fullest potential, walk in another person's shoes, nor be patient without having expectations of the other person.
Why do we not forgive?
If forgiveness is the life blood of any relationship, then resentment is its death. Resentment hinders any growth, with the exception of itself. It stunts a relationship by keeping it at the same place where the resentment began. It does not seem to move beyond this place. Resentment can also linger around like a low-grade fever, never really exploding into a full blown argument. All the while, gaining strength and causing further family division. But, if left alone, little by little resentment can develop into bitterness.
Resentment is also sneaky as it is often repackaged. Often, parents and teenagers may not be aware that they are holding onto resentment. Sometimes it is given a different name other than anger. As a counselor, clients will frequently say, "I'm not angry, just a little upset" or my favorite one "I'm not angry, I'm just frustrated." You can rename it whatever you need to, however it is still resentment.
What does forgiveness look like in the relationship with your teenager?
Ask one hundred different people, and you would likely get one hundred different answers. Here is my definition of forgiveness: when your relationship is free of the slightest bit of anger because you have worked through any negative emotions resulting from your teenager's behaviors. It does not mean you have forgotten what took place or denied your teenager's behaviors. Rather, you are not controlled emotionally by them. And the only way to reach forgiveness is to face the conflict and work through it.
Do you need to give the gift of forgiveness to your teenager this holiday season?
Are you looking for more common sense advice, practical solutions and even humor for parenting your teenager? I invite you to check out http://www.parentingyourteenager.com/ where you will find tips for parenting teens, school, curfew, and more! Terre Grable is a licensed professional counselor. She enjoys helping parents and teens become better friends when they feel like enemies.
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